Realize
by Jedi Knight Bus
Summary: One-Shot. Lexie wishes she could tell George her feelings for him, but fears it could damage their friendship irreparably if he doesn't love her back.


**A/N**: I don't own Grey's Anatomy. I don't even own the box set seasons on DVD, so don't go there. I also don't own the song "Realize" by Colbie Caillat.

This is a little one-shot involving a new emerging couple on the show: Lexie and George. She's my favourite for George so far, and this song just seemed to capture her feelings very nicely, so I was inspired.

* * *

**Realize  
**

_Take time to realize...  
_

I stare at the back of your brown head and I will you, in my mind, to turn around, to take your warm brown eyes and stare them back into mine. I'm brimming with these intense feelings, and they're all directed toward you.

Please; take this moment, somehow, to suddenly realize my feelings for you so I won't have to tell you them myself, because I can't tell you myself. It would ruin everything. I'd be better off setting fire to our crappy apartment and watching it (with all our stolen stuff) burn than to tell you how I really feel.

_Your warmth is... crashing down on me.  
_

I try to be subtle.

Really, I do.

But sometimes I just can't help myself. You smell so delicious, I can't resist snatching a sly whiff when I can, because it's all I can have.

Your smell: well, I can't really describe it, because it's just... _you_. And that's why I love it. I adore you, and your gentle cologne, and your anti-perspirant, and the smell of the hospital and people and blood and sweat on your scrubs.

I know what your deodorant smells like because I share a bathroom with you, and sometimes I steal it just to be weird.

(These are pathetic confessions, I know.)

_Take time to realize,_

_That I am on your side.  
_

I sometimes regret blurting to you all the secrets of those resident files, but you know me. I have some serious OCD tendencies. I know that when I do tell you my feelings, I'll be a mess. And you won't be able to get a word in because I'll be blabbing on endlessly in a nervous effort to get the truth out.

So, be prepared.

You only failed your intern exam by one point, but it's that one little point which gave me you. So I really like that little point. I often think about it and make it my little idol, and I give thanks to it for giving me extra time to get to know you and to become your roommate and be your best friend...

... and to fall in love with you.

I can't help but worship it. That little point is my hero.

So who cares that you're repeating your intern year? I'm on your side. I think you're going through this second intern year for a special reason. What that reason is yet, I'm not sure, but until we find out I'm content to just be your simple intern friend.

_But I can't spell it out for you,_

_No, it's never gonna be that simple.  
_

And all of this I wish _so hard_ I could tell you. If only I'd be obvious enough, in a discrete and not... obvious way... to make you realize I'm in love with you. It's never going to be a simple blurting. Oh no. This blurting will be complicated.

I tried to tell you today, even, and you didn't take the hint. I asked if we were more than roommates, and you said yeah, because I'm your friend.

Maybe even your best friend, you said.

Oh no, no simplicity involved with telling your best friend that you love them, fearing wildly the whole time that it will irreparably ruin your friendship.

I can't risk it.

I can't lose you because we're the same, and we're both awkward and silly and inappropriate and we both have our share of humiliations. We complete each other and we're compatible. We're _living together,_ quite well, which ought to say something about a future relationship.

_If you just realize what I just realized,_

_Then we'd be perfect for each other.  
_

If you'd realize all these feelings I have for you, somehow magically in that thick boy-head of yours, then we'd get to stop searching for our soul mate and we would never be left or forgotten again.

We'd be done, completed, sharing the same soul, for life.

_And we'll never find another,_

_If you'd just realize what I just realized...  
_

We'll never be alone, and we'll be able to get along because we're best friends first and foremost. That's of course if you like me back. If you don't, well, I don't want to think about it, because it terrifies me.

You slept with Meredith, and you said it was a terrible mistake. Let me tell you, I am so different from Meredith, so don't avoid a relationship because I'm related to her. If you love me as I love you, I know we'll be set for the rest of our lives.

Isn't that exciting?

_We'd never have to wonder if_

_We missed out on each other now.  
_

I know I'll have to tell you soon. I don't know how, because I already tried once and it crushed the fringes of my heart to hear you reassure me that we're just friends. If I tell you now, we'd never have to continue life wondering and regretting a life without each other.

I don't want to miss out on you. But if I tell you, and it ruins our friendship, then I'll have lost that for life too.

_No, it's not the same_

_If you don't feel it to.  
_

If your heart doesn't constrict in your chest at the very sight or mention of me, if your brain doesn't jump to all sorts of conclusions when I say something friendly or casually intimate, and if you're greatest wish isn't to kiss me until I'm dizzy, then it's not the same.

If you don't feel it too, I'll just have to move on and live my life pretending with each mate I meet, because no one will ever be the same as you are to me.

_... We'll never find another,_

_And we'd never have to wonder...  
_

I hate wondering if I'm good enough for you. But I'm sweet, and yeah, I'm chatty and irritating and way too informative and jittery sometimes, but I'm also attentive and caring and I'm not too bad-looking.

So please, I wish you'd realize that we're meant to be. I can't imagine my life without you. I won't allow myself to, or else I'll lose hope.

George... I really hope we don't miss out on each other.

* * *

**A/N: **Thanks for reading! I'm beginning to be a big Lexie/George fan, and this is pretty much based on Lexie's feelings in the first episodes of Season 5. Please review!


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